Newt Reply to Norman - 1

*PING*  PEN PAL LETTER FROM NORMAN


Hey Norm,

Newt here. You knew I had to write you back, so here I am. Actually though, after I read your letter I will admit, I wanted to. Sounds like we are alike in more ways than you know. To be honest, I am actually surprised you wrote at all since my profile made it clear I was being forced to do this, but kinda glad it was you. I figured I would get someone that would try to ‘fix’ me. Sing kumbaya and meditate and shi crap.

One of the first things you said was ‘You ever wonder how much of your life is yours and how much was just handed to you with a note that said, “Take this, or else”?’ Man that hit close to home. That is exactly how I feel. No control over my life at all. I am forced to run the old man's business or be cut out of his will entirely. What is rightfully mine would go to my cousin. I don't even know where the jerk is. I haven't seen since we were 10.

So I guess you are wondering why I am in therapy. The short answer is my Dad threatened me with my inheritance if I didn't. You see, I might have a few anger issues. But who wouldn't if your parents still dictated every aspect of your life. Just writing this making me angry.

Moving on then. One of the perks of being the boss is no lack of female companionship which makes me wonder why you are lonely. You're a good lookin’ man, you shouldn't have any problem hooking up. I mean, I generally can pick up a hottie at a bar, in the gym, jogging, at the beach, you name it. Let me know if you want some good moves or pick up lines. Haha.

You cook, I work out. I have a gym at home and I use it often or go jogging. Working out helps me work off steam and has some good side effects that the ladies love. You ought to try it sometime. The gym is a great place to relieve yourself of loneliness too, if you know what I mean.  Oh, yeah, I already mentioned that. Well, it's true!

So if I don't cook how do I survive? I have coffee at the office for breakfast, a working lunch (I am sure you know about those!) and hit the happy hour most days after work with a couple of the guys from the office. eating problem solved - no need to cook. Weekends are sometimes a challenge, but you can't screw up cereal or leftover pizza! I honestly can't imagine trying to cook and I have this crazy gourmet kitchen that only gets used when I through parties. Well, it used to get used - a lot - but that's a long story.

I am kinda jealous of your sister. I have no siblings. My cousin is the closest thing I had and they moved away when he turned 10. Something happened between our mothers. It's all hush hush. Our mothers are identical twins so it must of been pretty bad. My Aunt left and we never heard from them again. When I tried to ask my folks they just blew me off. That makes me even angrier that Dad threatens to give him my inheritance. I mean he isn't even related to him except by marriage. Here comes the anger again! Guess I better go workout, or better yet, it's still happy hour.

Later

Newt

Normans' Reply to Newt