Newt to Norman - 10

Newt's Reply to Norman's Letter

Hi Norm!

It's your not quite normal yet friend. I was so glad to hear the new contractors worked out and things are going well. I knew if anyone could do it, you would. Congratulations are definitely in order. That should make your life so much easier, more normal and drama free. Just like you like it. Maybe someday my life will be like that too.

Ari sounds like a really good kid and the two of you have forged a strong bond. I can't even think ahead to children. It's like I had my shot and blew it. But maybe not. Norm, I found Kaitlin. And that means I found my kids. But let me start from the beginning.

I got up the courage to tell Janet everything. I started with ‘I'm married’. She took a minute to let it sink in. “Of course you are," she said bitterly, "all the good ones are always taken." Then she got up to leave. It killed me to see the disappointment in her face. I'm really glad we hadn't taken our relationship further. She would have hated me and I couldn't bear it.

I put my hand on her arm asked her to stay and hear me out. I gave her my best sad puppy dog eyes and she sat back down. I was so relieved.

I asked her to wait until I was finished to say anything. I told her that my wife had taken my kids and left 2 years ago. She looked appalled, but then I dropped bomb and Janet started to cry. It ripped my heart out. I explained I had been in therapy for the last 18 months and part of my therapy was that I had to tell anyone I wanted to have an intimate relationship with what I had done.

I told her I wanted to continue to see her and see where it went. I was developing feelings for her and I couldn't move forward until she knew the truth. Then I asked her to come to a therapy session with me.

She didn't stay. She said she had to think about what she was getting involved in. I had to watch her walk away not knowing if she would ever want anything to do with me again.

Two days later she texted and asked me to meet her at the Library. I was so nervous. She greeted me with a hug. That gave me hope.


She had conditions to continuing our relationship. She wanted to take me up on the visit to my therapist and depending on how that went, she would make her decision. My next appointment wasn't for two days and it was the longest two days of my life.

We met there for obvious reasons. My therapist was blunt just like she always is. She told Janet that I had admitted to myself what I had done and that was the first step in my recovery. Telling Janet was a huge step in the right direction. She told her I would need to stay in therapy for the foreseeable future. Then she asked us both several questions.

Finally, she looked at Janet and said, “Should you decide to pursue your relationship with Newt, you will need to learn how to help him stop his destructive behavior before it escalates. You can be a huge factor in helping him become cognizant of his attitudes and relearn how to deal with his partner and even children. Newt is certainly willing and has done a lot of the hard work already to get where he is today. He is ready for that next step but he needs a strong partner that is also willing and then perhaps he can have a happy and healthy long term relationship.”

When we walked out into the waiting room, I felt like garbage. I didn't deserve her so I told Janet that I understood if she wasn't ready to take on my shit. I didn't want to pressure her.  And, yes. I said shit because that's what it is. She smiled at me! 

Then she reached up and put her hand on my cheek and said, “If we are going to continue seeing each other, you must promise me you won't use foul language anymore. And please, file for divorce. Dating a married man just isn't my style.”

I felt like the luckiest man alive. Then my damn phone buzzed and crashed my party. It was a text from my mother. My cousin was arrested and charged with arson. The trial was starting and she wanted me to go with her and Dad to support her sister and Reid. I impulsively asked Janet if she would go with me. We would sleep in separate rooms. No pressure, but we just took the next step and I didn't want to be separated from her. She agreed!

When I got to Twinbrook  my whole life changed. Turns out my wife is living there. She and Reid even dated for a few months. She also has a kid with the guy that they were originally investigating for starting the fire. What the hell? But that isn't even all. Reid is really my half brother. My father and his are one and the same. That's why his mother took him and left town. Seems my mom, her twin sister, found out. I hope you followed all of that because my head was spinning.

It was weird getting reacquainted with Reid after all that. Admittedly, he didn't know Kaitlin was my wife at the time, but still. Weird. He didn't warm up to me at first either. Seems he put two and two together and figured out why she left me. I explained my therapy and we came to terms with each other.

Then I saw Kaitlin at the trial. It was still a shock and my heart skipped a beat. She was there with Leroy Chapman, the guy that was originally being investigated. He is in love with her. It was obvious by the way he looked at her before she saw me. I pretended I didn't see her because I wasn't ready to deal with her, especially with Janet there, but at least I had found her.

This Leroy’s testimony is what sealed Reid's fate. Reid was found guilty. It was awful. His mother came unglued. I was glad Janet was there with me. It was so hard to watch.

Janet has been so supportive through all of this new crap that I dumped on her. I wouldn't have blamed her for running after finding out all of that, but she must be like you Norm, she stuck by me. I have put her through so much and she stuck. You and Janet are my guardian angels.

After the verdict, I decided to stay in Twinbrook. I need to deal with Kaitlin but sent Janet back home. It's time to talk to my wife. I keep wanting to call her my ex-wife. But she isn't yet. I want to negotiate for joint custody of my kids. It's going to be hard. But this is what I have been wanting for 2 years.

I am staying at Reid's place. It's weird now that he's not here. I keep expecting him to walk down the stairs. He has a pretty lucrative night club. He asked me to oversee it while he is incarcerated. It's actually kind of fun. I may offer to buy him out and move here.

Why? Two reasons. First, I would like nothing more than to get out of my old man's business. There is more to that business than I ever knew or wanted to know and you don't want to know either. But if I am going to try have a relationship with my kids and have a life with Janet, neither of them need to be exposed to that. I think you get my drift. Second, well this is where my kids live now and shuttling them back and forth would be hard. If I want to be involved in their lives I need to be where they are.

Maybe once this is over, I will be truly normal like you Norm. That is my goal, to be a ‘Normal Norman’. I have to admit, I am very ready for that. I want to come home, kiss my wife, eat dinner with my family, read bedtime stories to my kids and only have to worry about what kind of cereal to give them.

Not so normal Newt.

P.S. Maybe next time I will be Normal Newt - and we can just be two normal guys living normal uncomplicated lives with families that love us.

Kaitlin to Meadow - 10

Meadow's Letter to Kaitlin

Meadow!!!!

Hi friend!  I squealed when I got your letter. I really need a friend right now and to hear some good news. Things were going so well through Christmas for me, but the holiday’s are over and reality snuck back in.

Before I get into my long whiny story, I wanted to say that I love how well things are going for you! Jena is an absolute doll! Every time you write about her, and how far she has come, I know it is because of you. You are such a giving person. Always trying so hard to do what is right and help others. She is fortunate to be able to call you mother. Then there is Jasper and your brother there to support and love her as well. It’s no surprise she is blossoming!

Ira is an inspiration to me. Hearing about her helps me, so I always love it when you tell me how well she is doing. I long to be that self confident some day. I will definitely mention some of the therapies you suggested to Dr. Shea. I am doing much better but it would be great to feel ‘cured’ and not have to worry about triggers.

And then there is you, having a wonderful conversation with someone that you can relate to. Then he writes a lovely poem about you  - and you and you freak out! Haha! Meadow, I thought I was the insecure one in this relationship! Well, let me know if you get to see him again and remember how much you enjoyed his company before he complimented you in writing!

So moving on to me. Let me start with my therapy because it has been about the only bright spot for sure these last couple of months. Dr. Shea has helped me a lot even though some of it is hard. I am able to control my panic attacks much better and stop them from taking over - most of the time.

Leroy even came with me to one of my sessions. He tries so hard to protect me and it makes me crazy. I think if he could, he would wrap me up in bubble wrap and never let me go anywhere without him. But that doesn’t help me get stronger. I need to do things myself.

I am starting to think seeing Dr. Shea may have been a mistake but then again, maybe not. Why? Newt and his family are in town for Reid’s trial. Yep. My husband. Both Leroy and Shea knew and neither one told me - bubble wrap at its finest. Shea and I don’t ‘hang’ out or anything. In fact the only time I see her is during our sessions. I think she was trying really hard to keep personal separated from professional. And I get that. But still - it made me really mad when I found out she knew.

I wasn’t going to Reid’s trial because I had to work but I knew Leroy had been there with Shea. When Leroy got subpoenaed to testify for the prosecution, I wanted to be there for him. He’s always there for me. My personal bubble wrap. So I took off work and went not knowing that I might come face to face with my husband. Because no one told me!

Newt wasn’t there in the morning, so Leroy thought he had gone home. He showed up at a break and surprised us both. When I saw him, well you can guess what happened, I had a full blown episode, right there at the courthouse.

This is where I had to rethink my opinion on having Dr. Shea as a therapist. She was able to quickly take control of the situation and get me out of there. If she hadn’t been there, it would have been a huge scene and Newt would have seen me for sure. Of course I didn’t see it that way at the time. I don’t know if Newt saw me or not. So far I haven’t heard from him.

I didn’t speak to Dr. Shea or Leroy for almost two weeks after that. Meadow, I have never been so mad in my entire life. Mad and angry. But not afraid. It’s so different. And hurt too. I felt like they ganged up on me although Leroy did say Dr. Shea begged him to tell me. But in addition to being mad and hurt, I was also incredibly jealous. And I feel awful about that. I didn’t tell you, but Dr. Shea is gorgeous and always so put together. She doesn’t have emotional baggage. Her home is inviting and warm. And she and Leroy have history that binds them. Yep. Jealous because I’m not any of that.

Leroy called and texted daily, but I wouldn’t see him and he respected that until a News story broke sensationalizing a love triangle as the reason for Reid's senseless act. They also had filmed pictures of Newt and his parents at the trial saying they were there supporting Reid. It was horrible. Leroy came by because he wanted to tell me before I saw it - Mr. Bubble Wrap to the rescue. Sadly he was too late, but it gave us the opportunity to talk.

Meadow, I was shocked at how much our separation hurt him. He had dark circles under his eyes and I swear he lost 15 pounds. Honestly, I wasn’t any better because I didn’t know how to deal with all those emotions or how to begin to move past them.

We are better now and I have started seeing Dr. Shea again. She once again suggested a different therapist, but there is just so much history now that I just can’t start over. I have accepted that Leroy has a close friend who happens to be like a sister.

I wish that was all the bad news. Reid was found guilty and sentenced to 7 years. It’s hard because we are pretty sure he is innocent. Ben is taking it hard as I thought he might. He and Reid bonded when we first moved here so his hero going to prison devastated him.

Ben is sulky and acting out. Nothing I say is right. He even shoplifted the other day. When I spoke to Dr. Shea about it, she suggested it is normal for pre-teen hormones to go crazy and cause this type of moodiness and testing behavior. She said he should begin to catch up emotionally to the changes that are taking place in his body and then he may settle down. I hope so.

I can’t wait for the snow to be gone. Maybe that will help everyone’s mood. This winter has been a hard one. With spring comes graduation and a wedding ceremony. New beginnings. Hopefully for me too. A new life in a new home with Leroy by my side.

So my friend, I hope to have much better news next time I write. Having you as a friend is definitely a bright spot among all of this drama.

Sending lots of love your way

Kaitlin

Read Meadow's reply here