Kaitlin to Meadow - 2

Response to Meadow's Letter to Kaitlin:

Hi Meadow!!!!

I was so excited to get your reply! It's so good to see some of your issues were resolved, especially the communication issue. Once they figure it out there is no holding them back! Right?

Me as "My Kid's Mom" - Madison on the floor, Reese, my teenager, my new baby Hailey and my other son Benjamin

I had to laugh at one of your statements when I read your letter. Having a house full of kids (actually it's four and a grandchild!) doesn't necessarily mean I have good time management skills, and maybe not so good parenting skills either as evidenced by my teenage son becoming a father.

Actually the whole reason I have four kids instead of three is because I am not super organized. Word of advice, if you are going to be sexually active you should do a better job remembering your birth control pills. Just saying. Oh, and make sure you have the ‘birds and bees’ talk with your kids BEFORE they become sexually active.

Actually, I used to be much more organized. But that involved things like scheduling playdates for my kids, making sure they do homework and keeping our home in order. I was the quintessential stay-at-home ‘soccer mom’ for most of my life. I had no illusions that I would do anything for the greater good. I was just a mom and wife. My greater good only extended to my three children and for a while my husband, Newt.

Me as "Newt's Girlfriend"

When you wrote about the fear of losing yourself and becoming Jena’s mother and no longer being Meadow, I thought about myself and realized that was a legitimate concern, especially for someone like yourself who clearly knew who she was and what she wanted before Jena. But after Jena, your life changed probably more dramatically than you expected. You are now responsible for a tiny human. But I am not too worried about you in that regard because you already have a strong sense of self and won't let yourself get lost in being her mommy. It will just make you more well rounded.

As for me, I didn't really have my own sense self so I easily easily slipped into becoming Newt’s girlfriend, then Newts wife and finally my kids mom.

These are all good things to be, don't get me wrong, but they shouldn't be all that defines you. Make time for yourself and your own activities. That will teach Jena to grow up to be an independent woman.

Me as "Newt's Wife"

Because I was so young, I never had the chance to become me. I graduated high school, got married and had a newborn within the space of 7 months. Yep, I was pregnant when I graduated.

I am so embarrassed to say that especially to you. You seem like someone that is extremely organized, very goal oriented and carefully weighs their decisions before acting. It seems like the only really impulsive thing you have done was to adopt that precious little girl and she is very lucky you did! You are becoming an excellent mother.

Impulsivity isn't necessarily a bad thing. It is exciting and stimulating at the time, but can sometimes have unexpected consequences. They can be amazing or devastating or both at the same time! I think your decision will be amazing.

Me - hoping for a better future with my daughter Hailey and her father, Leroy 

My little baby girl was more of a moment of weakness fueled by desire and a little too much to drink rather than impulsivity. But her father, he really is a good man. When I see him with our daughter my heart just melts. He loves her so much. I think we may have a real chance at a life together, but I need to take a page out of your book before making that leap given my history. I have to be sure we are together not just because he is my baby's father, but because we love each other. I made that mistake with Newt and spent 17 years in an unhappy marriage and will never do it again. It wasn't fair to him, me or our 3 children.

One more thing before I go. Having a baby and watching them grow into that inquisitive and demanding 2-year-old is much different than suddenly having a 2-year-old. You bond with your child the moment they are born and watch them gradually grow into that crazy 2-year-child with a definite split personality. They are still every bit as adorable, intimidating and frustrating but there is already a two-year history and the experiences you have shared make it a tiny bit easier to deal with and you don't second guess yourself as much.

Now, I don't mean that you haven't bonded with little Jena yet or don't love her. Who wouldn't, she is so adorable. But as you develop that next level of closeness that only comes with time together, that bond will get stronger and stronger and you will come to know that everlasting, undying love only a mother can have for her children and the unconditional love of a child - until they are a teenager and then all bets are off!  LOL.

You are doing amazing and you are doing it on your own which makes it harder. I hope sending me letters helps. Maybe you can see how much more put together you are than others (me). Hopefully it gives you comfort.

Talk soon!

Your crazy messed up pen pal, 

Kaitlin. 

*PING* Meadow's Reply to Kaitlin

Newt Reply to Norman - 1

*PING*  PEN PAL LETTER FROM NORMAN


Hey Norm,

Newt here. You knew I had to write you back, so here I am. Actually though, after I read your letter I will admit, I wanted to. Sounds like we are alike in more ways than you know. To be honest, I am actually surprised you wrote at all since my profile made it clear I was being forced to do this, but kinda glad it was you. I figured I would get someone that would try to ‘fix’ me. Sing kumbaya and meditate and shi crap.

One of the first things you said was ‘You ever wonder how much of your life is yours and how much was just handed to you with a note that said, “Take this, or else”?’ Man that hit close to home. That is exactly how I feel. No control over my life at all. I am forced to run the old man's business or be cut out of his will entirely. What is rightfully mine would go to my cousin. I don't even know where the jerk is. I haven't seen since we were 10.

So I guess you are wondering why I am in therapy. The short answer is my Dad threatened me with my inheritance if I didn't. You see, I might have a few anger issues. But who wouldn't if your parents still dictated every aspect of your life. Just writing this making me angry.

Moving on then. One of the perks of being the boss is no lack of female companionship which makes me wonder why you are lonely. You're a good lookin’ man, you shouldn't have any problem hooking up. I mean, I generally can pick up a hottie at a bar, in the gym, jogging, at the beach, you name it. Let me know if you want some good moves or pick up lines. Haha.

You cook, I work out. I have a gym at home and I use it often or go jogging. Working out helps me work off steam and has some good side effects that the ladies love. You ought to try it sometime. The gym is a great place to relieve yourself of loneliness too, if you know what I mean.  Oh, yeah, I already mentioned that. Well, it's true!

So if I don't cook how do I survive? I have coffee at the office for breakfast, a working lunch (I am sure you know about those!) and hit the happy hour most days after work with a couple of the guys from the office. eating problem solved - no need to cook. Weekends are sometimes a challenge, but you can't screw up cereal or leftover pizza! I honestly can't imagine trying to cook and I have this crazy gourmet kitchen that only gets used when I through parties. Well, it used to get used - a lot - but that's a long story.

I am kinda jealous of your sister. I have no siblings. My cousin is the closest thing I had and they moved away when he turned 10. Something happened between our mothers. It's all hush hush. Our mothers are identical twins so it must of been pretty bad. My Aunt left and we never heard from them again. When I tried to ask my folks they just blew me off. That makes me even angrier that Dad threatens to give him my inheritance. I mean he isn't even related to him except by marriage. Here comes the anger again! Guess I better go workout, or better yet, it's still happy hour.

Later

Newt

Normans' Reply to Newt

Kaitlin's First Letter to Meadow

Kaitlin was feeling lonely. The boys were at school and the kids were asleep. She missed having girlfriends that she could arrange play-dates with for their children and gossip in the park while they played. In her current situation that was going to be impossible. At least the boys did have some friends at school even if she didn't. 

Kaitlin sat down and opened up her social media site making sure she showed as offline. While she was browsing the she saw an advertisement for pen pals. That might be a nice substitute she thought and clicked on the profiles. There was a woman named Meadow that had adopted a two year old and was looking for someone that had maybe been through the terrible twos (well she didn't put it like that, she seemed way too nice or maybe naive) and could give her some support and maybe make a friend in the process. 

Kaitlin got excited and decided to write to Meadow to see if she would like to correspond. 


Dear Meadow,

Hi! My name is Kaitlin. We have something in common. We both have two year old daughters! I am in hopes that we can swap toddler stories - the good, the bad and the ugly! That way we know we aren't in this alone! 

Maddy and Me

But really, two is such a challenging, yet magical age. Our babies are becoming more independent little people with a definite mind of their own! It's so fun to watch their personalities blossom. 

Madison or Maddy as my boys nicknamed her is my two year old. As you can see I also have a newborn, sweet little Hailey, just a month old. So I am likely going to be dealing with jealousy issues. I hope not. I also have two older children both boys, Ben 10 and Reese 17. There really wasn't jealousy with them as they were spaced out quite a bit. But two years is close. Hopefully they will be close growing up instead of jealous.

You probably want to know a little about me before making a decision to correspond with me. I have loaded my profile here. I hope after you read it you don't think I am a loon. And I did mention two infants didn't I? Well the other one is my Grandson. Yes, 35 and a grandmother. Long story. Maybe for another time. But, yes, my 17 year old son and his girlfriend used bad judgement. I am afraid his mother wasn't a good role model. I also used bad judgement as evidenced by my own newborn. But Hailey’s father - not bad judgment, just really bad timing, but I will leave that for another time as well. 

Reese with his son Sam

Regardless, I am so proud of Reese. When his girlfriend wanted to end her pregnancy, he refused. He wanted to raise his baby. So we all agreed he would assume full custody of Sam when he was born. Coincidentally, he was born on the same day as my daughter but in a different city. They will be more like cousins than Aunt and Nephew growing up. Bad judgement or not, you couldn't take those sweet babies away from me for any amount of money.

Enough about me. I have lots of questions for you. You aren't married (at least I assumed that) but decided to adopt. When you adopted Jena (and she is adorable by the way - who wouldn't want her) were you planning to adopt or just happen to be in the right place at the right time. I mean having a child is a giant responsibility. You love them and hope for the best. 

At two Jena is young enough she will probably never remember a time you weren't her mother. And kids are such a sponge at that age. They are always watching and learning. Once she finds her words, and she will, she will likely parrot everything you say and then you won't be able to get her to stop talking! You two will learn to communicate, I promise! I can't wait to hear about your progress. 

Maddy made a mess of her food then threw her bowl on the floor- it will happen - prepare.

And one more thing. They call them the terrible twos for a reason so don't lose the faith if she has a few meltdowns. Even kids that are not adopted still have trouble expressing themselves at that age. They get frustrated and have tantrums. The terrible twos is really a precursor to the traumatic threes! But the good times will far outweigh those little disruptions. I know they are hard to watch and you may want to blame yourself. Don't. They are called growing pains. All kids experience them. 

Until next time, 

Kaitlin


Meadow's response

Newt Murdock

Profile

Name: My name is Newt Murdock - I am married - but my wife took our 3 kids and ran away. We haven't been able to find her and it's been almost a year.

Select your age bracket: I am 35.

Profession:  Vice President of my father's company. I will one day take it over - but I need to find my kids before that can happen. Damn will. I was supposed to play pro-ball but my wife was't using birth control and well....my parents held my inheritance over my head if I didn't give that up and marry her to protect the company. Damn will.

How many pen pals are you interested in acquiring? One. Only because I have to.



What qualities do you seek in a pen pal? I just need someone that will write back so I can show my therapist that I am doing the stupid crap they are making me do. And not some do-gooder. Someone that likes to have fun.

Do you have a desire to meet your pen pal face-to-face? Didn't know that was possible when my therapist made me do this. I have been alone for almost a year. I could use some female companionship or another dude to go clubbing with. So yeah, might be fun!


Please describe, in as much detail as possible, your reason for wanting to join the pen pal project: My therapist decided that if I write my feelings in letters to other people and respond to their letters that I can let go of some of my anger. That's a bunch of crap...but I have no choice. My Dad is going to cut me off if I don't do this stupid stuff.

Leroy Chapman

Profile:

Name: My name is Leroy Chapman

Select your age bracket: I am 36 and single - hoping not to be sooner rather than later

Profession: I am a self-made man. I dropped out of high school my senior year and started working in a bar. During the day, when the weather was good I also worked in construction. I managed to save enough money and bought a small dive bar. I work the bar when needed. Between the two jobs I was able to buy a duplex across the street from the bar. I lived in one side and leased the other and eventually bought my own place. Now the woman I am in love with, lives in the little duplex. I was finally able to quit working in construction with the income from the rental and bar am now working on an architecture degree.

How many pen pals are you interested in acquiring? I have a brand new baby girl, so one is probably all I could manage right now. 

What qualities do you seek in a pen pal? That's a tough question. Someone that has experience with how to make a family work. How to keep the love alive and work through the bad stuff. And especially how to make blended families work. I don't think her oldest son cares too much for me. 

Do you have a desire to meet your pen pal face-to-face? Sure. I live in Twinbrook but could probably get away for a few days and if they want to come here, I have an extra bedroom. Well as long as my pen pal isn't female. That might not go over too well if I am trying to make a family work. 

Please describe, in as much detail as possible, your reason for wanting to join the pen pal project:  My childhood was a disaster, foster home after foster home. I finally dropped out my senior year as I said earlier. I never wanted a family until now. Well since I have one - a daughter - and I really need someone that can give me some advice. I am sure I can tell them what not to do - I have screwed up enough - but I need to know what I am supposed to do. The people I meet in the bar are not always model citizens - well at least in my bar - if you get my drift.

First Letter to Nora from Leroy

Kaitlin Murdock

Profile

About me:  My name is Kaitlin Murdock. I am 35 and a sort of single mother of 4 children - two different fathers. But all of that is a long story.

Profession:  I graduated high school, but never got to attend college. Before I became a 'sort of single mom', I never had to work and was a stay at home mom for my three oldest children. Now that I am on my I own, I have been tending bar at night and harvesting honey by day. I also refinish other peoples trash when I find something good and resell it.



How Many Pen Pals? I am a little shy and really think one pen pal would be a good start for me.

What qualities do you seek in a pen pal? Someone that will tell me like it is when I am doing something completely irrational. Ha! That is probably everyday. But really, someone that will listen, not judge and help me make better decisions. Lord knows I have made enough bad ones in the past 18 years.

Do you have a desire to meet your pen pal face-to-face?  I have 2 infants and a toddler so traveling might be hard. Also I am trying to save as much money as possible. Sounds like excuses, I know. But really, if for some reason the opportunity arose, I would love to. And if my pen pal could make it to Twinbrook - I think that would be awesome.

Please describe, in as much detail as possible, your reason for wanting to join the pen pal project: I am lonely and would love for someone to talk to about my situation so maybe I wouldn't feel so lost. Additionally, I would love to hear about someone else's life and the fun and struggles they have. I hope I don't sound like misery loves company because I am really not miserable, just confused and trying really hard to start over and lose my kids in the process. We can be each other's cheerleader and if my pen pal doesn't need one  - then they can tell me their stories so I can live vicariously through them. Since I have lived in Twinbrook, I really haven't made a lot of friends. I spend all of my time working and besides, I am trying to stay well under the radar so my husband can't find me. Well, having a baby isn't exactly under the radar. Frankly I am nervous about that. See what I mean!


Kaitlin's First Letter to Meadow