Monday, February 27, 2017

Kaitlin to Meadow - 2

Response to Meadow's Letter to Kaitlin:

Hi Meadow!!!!

I was so excited to get your reply! It's so good to see some of your issues were resolved, especially the communication issue. Once they figure it out there is no holding them back! Right?

Me as "My Kid's Mom" - Madison on the floor, Reese, my teenager, my new baby Hailey and my other son Benjamin
I had to laugh at one of your statements when I read your letter. Having a house full of kids (actually it's four and a grandchild!) doesn't necessarily mean I have good time management skills, and maybe not so good parenting skills either as evidenced by my teenage son becoming a father.

Actually the whole reason I have four kids instead of three is because I am not super organized. Word of advice, if you are going to be sexually active you should do a better job remembering your birth control pills. Just saying. Oh, and make sure you have the ‘birds and bees’ talk with your kids BEFORE they become sexually active.

Actually, I used to be much more organized. But that involved things like scheduling playdates for my kids, making sure they do homework and keeping our home in order. I was the quintessential stay-at-home ‘soccer mom’ for most of my life. I had no illusions that I would do anything for the greater good. I was just a mom and wife. My greater good only extended to my three children and for a while my husband, Newt.

Me as "Newt's Girlfriend"
When you wrote about the fear of losing yourself and becoming Jena’s mother and no longer being Meadow, I thought about myself and realized that was a legitimate concern, especially for someone like yourself who clearly knew who she was and what she wanted before Jena. But after Jena, your life changed probably more dramatically than you expected. You are now responsible for a tiny human. But I am not too worried about you in that regard because you already have a strong sense of self and won't let yourself get lost in being her mommy. It will just make you more well rounded.

As for me, I didn't really have my own sense self so I easily easily slipped into becoming Newt’s girlfriend, then Newts wife and finally my kids mom.

These are all good things to be, don't get me wrong, but they shouldn't be all that defines you. Make time for yourself and your own activities. That will teach Jena to grow up to be an independent woman.

Me as "Newt's Wife"
Because I was so young, I never had the chance to become me. I graduated high school, got married and had a newborn within the space of 7 months. Yep, I was pregnant when I graduated.

I am so embarrassed to say that especially to you. You seem like someone that is extremely organized, very goal oriented and carefully weighs their decisions before acting. It seems like the only really impulsive thing you have done was to adopt that precious little girl and she is very lucky you did! You are becoming an excellent mother.

Impulsivity isn't necessarily a bad thing. It is exciting and stimulating at the time, but can sometimes have unexpected consequences. They can be amazing or devastating or both at the same time! I think your decision will be amazing.

Me - hoping for a better future with my daughter Hailey and her father, Leroy 
My little baby girl was more of a moment of weakness fueled by desire and a little too much to drink rather than impulsivity. But her father, he really is a good man. When I see him with our daughter my heart just melts. He loves her so much. I think we may have a real chance at a life together, but I need to take a page out of your book before making that leap given my history. I have to be sure we are together not just because he is my baby's father, but because we love each other. I made that mistake with Newt and spent 17 years in an unhappy marriage and will never do it again. It wasn't fair to him, me or our 3 children.

One more thing before I go. Having a baby and watching them grow into that inquisitive and demanding 2-year-old is much different than suddenly having a 2-year-old. You bond with your child the moment they are born and watch them gradually grow into that crazy 2-year-child with a definite split personality. They are still every bit as adorable, intimidating and frustrating but there is already a two-year history and the experiences you have shared make it a tiny bit easier to deal with and you don't second guess yourself as much.

Now, I don't mean that you haven't bonded with little Jena yet or don't love her. Who wouldn't, she is so adorable. But as you develop that next level of closeness that only comes with time together, that bond will get stronger and stronger and you will come to know that everlasting, undying love only a mother can have for her children and the unconditional love of a child - until they are a teenager and then all bets are off!  LOL.

You are doing amazing and you are doing it on your own which makes it harder. I hope sending me letters helps. Maybe you can see how much more put together you are than others (me). Hopefully it gives you comfort.

Talk soon!

Your crazy messed up pen pal, 


*PING* Meadow's Reply to Kaitlin


  1. Ah, Meadow is so positive. Kaitlin could use some of her optimism.