Newt's Reply to Norm - 3

Norms letter to Newt

Norm - my man!

You are certainly full of surprises. I don't get much mail these days except bills and junk mail. I almost threw this out with the junk but saw your return address as it was going to the trash.

Sometimes we use paper too, but then we have it couriered over and signed for to be sure the recipient actually received it.  I think this is more to avoid that digital trail - if you know what I mean. Being all geeky I would imagine you do.

I had to think about your value statement for a minute. Sounds like the old ‘do as I say not as I do’! Someone preaches recycling but never does it. Yep that is definitely prevalent.

My wife? Now you sound like my therapist! But I will try to answer. I was angry she left me at first. My pride was hurt. Then I thought, what the hell, I didn't want to marry her to begin with and sort of felt relieved. But you want to know something, I am not happier, in fact maybe less happy. The house is so quiet and empty without them, my family, here too. Until we find her, I am stuck in this limbo world.

Now I live alone in this three story monstrosity of a house with 4 bedrooms and 5 bathrooms and only one of each get used. In do miss my boys and well my wife too. We had great make-up sex. Argue then make up. Sad thing is, the night before she left, we had sex. (Was that oversharing?) I thought everything was smoothed over only to come home from work to an empty house. I think I already told you I don't really even know my little girl. That makes me sad and mad at the same time. My wife took her away from me!  Okay now my anger is boiling over. Let's move on to an easier topic!

Let's talk about The Misadventures of Norm Mccumber (of Windenburg Wind and Sun)...really Norm....So a guy actually died in front of you? Man that would seriously freak me the hell out. But Norm - you sucked it up and went to the other coffee shop! Mighty proud of you. Was it divine intervention that he died causing you to go to the right coffee house this time?

Good move with the book. She knew you were checking her out. That was good. Glad she introduced herself. And she already knew who you were? Dude, you should've had your sister introduce you two before now. I have to admit, you had me worried with the topic of conversation. Guess you got lucky and found a fellow geek.

Okay - Norm - when I read this: "I asked her if she wanted to come over the next morning to check out my new vintage Lollicorn. Didn’t even mention I had it in my pocket the whole time!" I have to admit I almost spit out my coffee. I thought you were referring to your fellow down below - and you named it Lollicorn? Well, she would have known it was 'in your pocket'. But then I realized it was a thing - not your thing. I was actually relieved.

Shew, so obviously she knew what you were talking about. Smooth one not revealing all the goods at once. I’m proud of you. Honestly Norm, if you like her, and I think you do, you need to kick it up a notch because you seriously got lucky with this one.

This is your homework: Next time she comes over - you did ask her back I hope - when you're sitting next to her, yawn and let your arm stay around her shoulders. Also, did you swap numbers yet? If so, text her. Girls eat that up. Use those stupid emojis - little hearts - to let her know you really like her.

After that maybe we will work on a real date. Spend a little of the company's money on a nice restaurant or something.

I had a random thought. You said I didn't seem like a family man. I think maybe I am more than I thought. You don't know what you've got ‘til it's gone. I think I just sang that in my head - ugh. But it's true.

I just wish that I married for love instead of because I got her pregnant. So be sure to wrap up your 'Lollicorn' if you get to home plate with your little Barista. Don't make the same mistake I did. Maybe we will find Kaitlin soon and we can work out our issues.

Thanks for the therapy session and my laugh for the week! By the way - what the hell is a Lollicorn or Llamacorn?

Newt


NORMS REPLY TO NEWT